July 4th

It's almost 9a.m. and while I was up an hour ago I haven't accomplished anything. My 2 year old is watching her favorite Dora episode and I could punch the person in the face who did her voice, but since it keeps her occupied so that I can work I kind of let it go.

I slept on the floor last night, I'm not really sure why. It seemed like a good idea. It wasn't. My back hurts and I don't really want to get up and move, but I know that I have a picnic to attend today amongst other things to do.

I really need to clean the apartment, it's been like a week, but the more I see stuff pile up the less I feel like doing any of it. Oh, it can wait until later, no one is going to be here to see it so who cares? We don't have bugs or a stench yet, so I think we're still good.

I love how I just got an e-mail from Hallmark Calendar updates reminding me that today is Independence Day! Thanks Hallmark, I totally forgot. Especially with all of the firecrackers going off and kids running around with dangerous sticks that are lit on fire waving them in the air and screaming.

When you become a wife and a mother you're expected to act a certain way, calm, collected, put together. You're not supposed to be any fun anymore, because if you have fun then God forbid your kids must not be disciplined, they probably run around like wild banchees and bite, scream, kick, punch. Well I have news for you, I became boring and discipline and my kid still does all of that! Probably not to the extent that you see some bratty kids act like, since overall I have a sweet little angel. But she still does those things.

I get tired of stuffing down the crazy in me to fit this mold of what I'm supposed to be. Maybe I want to dye my hair blue, or jump off a cliff, or go outside for a walk past 8p.m. (now that's living on the edge!) or maybe I just want to sing karaoke and dance like an idiot. Too bad no one joins in the fun and I'm left looking like an idiot all by myself.

What makes people so uptight? I just want to laugh and have fun like I did a few years ago. Forget bills, forget life stresses, forget the fact that I have to be a responsible adult, I just want to go run around and have some fun. I want to hike the Grand Canyon, sit next to the ocean, go rock climbing, see castles in Ireland, visit new places I've never been. I want to experience life first hand and forget all of this so-called 'life' that Americans have made it. Am I thankful for the opportunity to make something better of myself? Yeah. Am I thankful for a house, my family, clothes, food? of course! But why must we think that it has to be a constant struggle? Why can't life just be easy and we forget the rest of it?

Well there's my random thoughts and ramblings that may or may not make sense. I'm sure I'll write more later. Since I wont be out experiencing awesome things because I'm stuck in the rat race.